Materials
The room is set in a square shape, with 10-12 chairs on each side, and an opening in the chairs on the east side to let people in. In the center was a small, round table set as the altar, with the materials listed above. I began the ceremony by talking about how it would flow, explaining that because I believe religion requires participation. I invite people to participate as much or as little as they want given the ceremony's spiritual specificity.
We mark this sacred space with two techniques used in Pagan ceremonies: grounding with sound and breath.
We begin with a breathing exercise, a way to settle our energies, and focus on being present in this piece of the world.
Sit or stand erect – how do you feel?
Breathe in, down into your stomach
Breathe out, as far as you can
In, out
Breathe in the energy of stars, planets, clouds
Breathe out, feel the energy sink in to you
All the way down to your feet
Into the ground
Breathe.
We follow this with a sound purification, a way for us to clarify our energy together.
Breathe in, hold the note “ahhhhhhhh,” low and growing louder slowly
Let it drop
Let it drop into the ground, through the soles of your feet
Notice the feeling of your feet touching the ground
Breathe in, out
[hold up the bowl of salted water]
Holy water, you remind us of our source,
primeval ocean,
and gentle rain which makes all things new.
May we refresh in the newness of this space.
May we cleanse ourselves of the things we set down behind us.
[carry bowl water clockwise around the space, invite people to purify themselves however they see fit]
May it be so.
[hold up the candle]
Holy fire
hearth of this gathering
may your light and warmth welcome us into this space
here among our friends and loved ones.
May we bask in the comfort of your warmth.
May your light draw us nearer to what our hearts know is true.
[carry the flame clockwise around the space]
[lift up the incense]
Holy incense, holy offering,
you who are dust and wind,
earth and heaven,
may your scent gladden the spirits of all who have gathered here.
As you bind both heaven and earth,
may you bind us gently into this moment.
[carry incense clockwise around the space]
So May It Be.
That none of us truly move through this alone, may we invoke the names of all who travel this world with us:
Household Spirits,
spirits of this land and dwelling place,
I call and welcome you.
May your rest and protection carry us through this night.
Ancestors, Saints, Prophets, Teachers,
I call and welcome you.
For you are the path we each tread,
full of smooth and jagged stones.
May you guide us justly, now and always.
Spirits of the Wider World, Gods and Ineffable Beings,
I call and welcome you.
For you are ever present and abundant,
may we be just stewards and students of all you have to teach.
Spirits We Bring with Us
whoever you are, whatever your names,
I call and welcome you.
Let us speak your names,
loud or silent,
that we may remember we are never alone.
So May It Be.
So centered, may we come into the ritual act of this gathering. This is a time of focusing energy, of setting intention, of examining ourselves. It is a time to assess what we must discard to carry forward, and what we will take up to help us. In the words of Ita Segev, “that by letting go of the thing that never belonged to you, you have an opportunity to reclaim something that does3."
Tonight may we let go of the things that never belonged to us; which no longer belong to us; the things we have outgrown, the things that never fit. A name, a habit, an assumption, a distraction. May this urn be their final resting place, that tonight we may say farewell, and let go. I invite you, whisper the name of that thing into this urn; let it pass in turn from your hands, resting safely. Feel the weight leaving your body, as its name leaves your tongue, as the urn leaves your hand.
Whisper your Letting Go into the urn. Pass the urn around clockwise, giving each person a chance to let go of something.
[I asked my ministerial mentor and friend, Rev. Kent McKusick, to lead a group blessing of my new name. He asked me to declare my new name, and invited people to lay their hands on me in blessing, beginning with two people closest to me - my brother and roommate.]
As we have let go of what we can no longer hold, what was never ours to hold, let us proclaim a new name, a new framework, a new vision, a new connection. As you are willing and able call out to this new thing you wish to bring into your life. Aloud or quietly, call out its presence in the family of things.
Breathe, bring your back up, feel your feet on the ground
Breathe in, and breathe out
In and out, feel the energy of this new thing expanding
Down your chest, down your legs, down into the earth
So May It Be.
There is a holiness in sharing a meal together, in finding meaning and sustenance there. Among letting go and reclaiming, may we find the meaning and renewal of food. Among sacrifice and harvest, we come to a crossroads. We come to the Paradox of change – that we can feel joy and grief all at once. Our thirst can be quenched, but we will still be thirsty, growing into new needs. Our hunger can be sated, but we can still be hungry, growing into that which we do not yet know. In this ritual meal, may we remember this duality of our existence – the salt of our tears and the sweetness of our joy.
I invite you to share in this meal. The plate of oat squares represents the sweetness of our joy. As you pass them to the person clockwise from you, say "may your hunger be sated, may you ever hunger". The cup of salted water represent the salt of our tears. As you pass it to the person clockwise from you, say "may your thirst be quenched, may you ever thirst"**.
[This closing follows many Pagan, or specifically Witchcraft-related, practices by reversing the order of the opening. From the altar at the center, begin by thanking the Spirits called at the opening of the ceremony. Then, thank the Elements with incense, fire, and water. Close the ceremony and open the circle with words that will be meaningful for you and those gathered.]
This was a ceremony I designed and led to honor my name change. We gathered in the back of the sanctuary at First Unitarian Church of Des Moines on Friday, 13 September 2019 - six years to the day and week-day of the first time I came out. This ritual is heavily influenced by my own Pagan spirituality, and draws from Starhawk's practices of creating sacred space. While this was a ceremony to honor a transition for me, I also designed this for all participants to honor what they are releasing and reclaiming in their lives.
**My notes for this ritual were very sparse, and I don't remember some details. For instance, during "Salty & Sweet," did I invite people to drink from the cup? Was there a cloth to wipe the cup after each sip? This is something to consider in a post-COVID world. I also do not recall (and did not note) how I closed the ritual. Alter pieces of these rituals to meet your needs.
1. These were home-made, kind of like a granola bar so they were gluten-free. A granola bar or something similar that meets your group's dietary needs would be just fine.
2. Drawn from “Exercise 4” and “Exercise 6” in Starhawk, The Spiral Dance: A Rebirth of the Ancient Religion of the Great Goddess, Special 20th Anniversary Edition (New York: HarperOne, 1999), 67-69.
3. George Kan, “ITA SEGEV with George Kan,” The Brooklyn Rail, September 2019, accessed May 28, 2024, https://brooklynrail.org/2019/09/dance/ITA-SEGEV-with-George-Kan